Sunday, April 06, 2008

So, I guess we can get those guns now, eh?

Charlton Heston has shuffled off this mortal coil. The various anti-gun nuts can get out their prybars and get to work defiling his corpse now.

I'll just say on his behalf...

"Get your paws off him, you damn dirty apes!!"

/salute
/mourn

I'm opposed to gun control in any form until it becomes legal, and the only way that can happen is via a Constitutional Amendment. All gun control laws on the books in the US are bullshit, and that's just the way it is.

Mind you, I happen to think some of them are good ideas, but I really, really, REALLY dislike the entire concept of Congress passing, the President signing, and the Supreme court not striking down, laws that completely violate both the letter and the spirit of the Constitution. It's not at all a good thing. There is a completely legal channel for allowing gun control to become legal, and it has been circumvented in its entirety, and that is exceptionally bad for democracy as practiced in the US of A.

See, law and order, that's what keeps me out of the stewpot. Erode, degrade, and tear it down, and sooner or later, I end up on the buffet.

If they amend the Constitution to remove the 2nd Amendment, then I'll get on board the Gun Control wagon, for a few blocks anyhow. Til then, "No!! Bad Congress!! Bad Supremes!! Bad President!! No treats for ANY of you!!"

You gave 'em hell, Chuck, thanks.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Chick Flicks & Guy Picks

So, I was channel-surfing over at Castle Anthrax last night, and The Devil Wears Prada was on. So naturally, I settled in to watch it.

"Naturally?!?" you enquire incredulously?

Well, yeah. For one, it's got Meryl Streep in it, and she's generally good in anything, as she was here. Two, as a putative 'chick flick', it's certain to (and does) have literally scores of eye-candy-grade distaff cast members in just about every shot. But most importantly, it's simply an extremely well-written story, with interesting characters and a solid plot.

Apparently it's based on a novel by a woman named Lauren Weisberger, converted to screenplay by Aline Brosh McKenna. Perhaps they should share their Nobel Peace Prize for Fomenting Good Relations Between the Sexes by Creating Movies that Both Can Enjoy.

Scene-It knows what I'm talking about; they released a Guys vs. Girls Edition called, well, I chose it for the name of this post. Simply put, a movie that will interest a guy will not interest a woman, in most cases. You get those precious and rare exceptions, women who laugh at the Three Stooges, or recite Monty Python lines, or watch Vin Diesel movies because they like the action, but they're rare.

And generally speaking, guys that like chick flicks aren't really worth much at all to the other side, except maye as shopping buddies. But I've seen two movies now in recent memory, Devil Wears Prada and 10 Ways to Lose Your Man (or whatever the title was, it had Matt McCona-who-can-spell-it-ahey and that cute blonde in it, and yeah, the tab with IMDB is still open, and no, I'm not gonna go look). And both were easily enjoyable by men and women alike.

If this keeps up, going to the movies as a couple might come back into style. Which, once again, leaves me on the outside looking in, steaming up the glass and creeping out the paying customers.

Thursday, November 22, 2007

Please make checks payable to...

Ok, before I start my next crusade, a word or two about mice.

Have you ever been embarrassed when a guest comes over and discovers that your mouse has dirty balls? How many times has it happened to you? How mortifying is it for YOU when a houseguest opens the access panel and scrapes around in there with a fingernail, pen, or whatever, and then snaps everything back in place, brushes off the mousepad, and goes back to surfing?

Don't let it happen to you EVER AGAIN!! Get yourself an optical mouse, sold at fine stores everywhere.

To any of you peripherals manufacturing companies that decide to use this advertising method to sell your optical mice, just drop me an e-mail and I'll give you my address so you can pay me a modest remuneration in exchange for the millions in sales this campaign generates. Actually, if you prefer to pay me with merchandise credit, that would be dandy. I could always use a newer computer.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

16 years too late

So, tonight I saw Ordinary People. Yeah, it came out in 1980, thanks, I know. I was 11 then, sue my parents for not taking me to an R rated movie (language). And as I sat there, watching this story unfold, I thought to myself, "My God I wish someone who knew me in 1991 had seen that movie recently and suggested getting me some therapy before I spent fifteen years punishing myself for not dying."

In case anyone who's never suffered from PTSS wasn't sure, Timothy Hutton's portrayal of survivor's guilt was spot-on, and he could have been me easily. Of the other characters, only the father bore any resemblance to real life counterparts in my life. My dad was great, although he didn't know how to help me any more than anyone else did, and my mom was in that very large boat with a great many other people too.

The movie and its actors were nominated for or won several awards, and it's been 27 years (no it hasn't, I would be old if that were true, but I digress), so no one needs me to tell them the movie was and is fantastic, if in a sombrer sense than that word is normally used, and I can vouch that it is every bit as relevant now as it was then.

I just wish someone, even me, had seen it 16 years ago, and connected the dots. So much time wasted. But, I am feeling much better now, even if I am a little bitter over the lost time.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Grr.

No, not Gir, the loveable if altogther dubiously functional sidekick of Zim. Grr, as in "Grrr!! They're driving me crazy!!"

So, I got me a forward...

(sans pictures of various 'Christian' things and political horsepuckey, and I bolded one part that I touch on later)

"Paul Harvey says: I don't believe in Santa Claus, but I'm not going to sue
somebody for singing a Ho-Ho-Ho song in December. I don't agree with Darwin ,
but I didn't go out and hire a lawyer when my high school teacher taught his
Theory of Evolution Life, liberty or your pursuit of happiness will not be
endangered because someone says a 30-second prayer before a football game. So
what's the big deal? It's not like somebody is up there reading the entire book
of Acts. They're just talking to a God they believe in and asking him to grant
safety to the players on the field and the fans going home from the game. But
it's a Christian prayer, some will argue. Yes, and this is the United States of
America , a country founded on Christian principles. According to our very own
phone book, Christian chu rches outnumber all others better than 200-to-1. So
what would you expect -- somebody chanting Hare Krishna? If I went to a football
game in Jerusalem ,
I would expect to hear a Jewish prayer.
If I went to
a soccer game in Baghdad ,
I would expect to hear a Muslim prayer.
If I
went to a ping pong match in China,
I would expect to hear someone pray to
Buddha.
And I wouldn't be offended. It wouldn't bother me one bit. When in
Rome .. But what about the atheists? Is another argument. What about them?
Nobody is asking them to be baptized. We're not going to pass the collection
plate. Just humor us for 30 seconds. If that's asking too much, bring a Walkman
or a pair of ear plugs. Go to the bathroom. Visit the concession stand. Call
your lawyer! Unfortunately, one or two will make that call. One or two will tell
thousands what they can and cannot do. I don't think a short prayer at a
football game is going to shake the world's foundations. Christians are just
sick and tired of turning the other cheek while our courts strip us of all our
rights.
Our parents and grandparents taught us to pray before eating; to pray
before we go to sleep. Our Bible tells us to pray without ceasing. Now a handful
of people and their lawyers are telling us to cease praying. God, help us. And
if that last sentence offends you, well . .
just sue me. The silent majority
has been silent too long. It's time we let that one or two who scream loud
enough to be heard that the vast majority don't care what they want. It is time
the majority rules! It's time we tell them, you don't have to pray; you don't
have to say the pledge of allegiance; you don't have to believe in God or attend
services that honor Him. That is your right, and we will honor your right .. But
by golly, you are no longer going to take our rights away. We are fighting back
.. and we WILL WIN! God bless us one and all ... especially those who denounce
Him , God bless America, despite all her faults. She is still the! greatest
nation of all. God bless our service men who are fighting to protect our right
to pray and worship God.
2007 will be the year the silent
majority is
heard and we put God back as the foundation of our families and institutions...
and our Military come home from all the wars. Keep looking up.
If you agree
with this, please pass it on. If not delete it. AND THAT'S THE REST OF THE
STORY"

Ok, first off, what? My only options regarding this are either agree and pass it on, or delete it and STFUn00b? I don't think so, senor. See, as you may have noticed, this IS America, and I DO have freedom of speech. So, get ready for a little dissent...

My reply:

Ok,
Given that Jesus bade us turn the other cheek, it seems to be in exceptionally poor judgement for the author of this message (Larry King no less) to use that same phrase as follows:

"Christians are just sick and tired of turning the other cheek while our courts strip us of all our rights."

I beg to differ. As a Christian, I am neither sick, nor tired, of doing as Christ asked me to do. Insofar as prayer in public goes, Christ himself criticized the Sadduccees for their public displays of affection for God when their private behavior showed them to be hypocrites. Prayer is meant to be between one man and his God, not an in-your-face show of Christianity to the public. Frankly, I think with the world the way it is, and Armageddon looming in the not-too-distant future (thank God!), Jesus has better things to do than pass messages to God asking for His intervention one way or the other in a sporting event.

Now, I'm not being deliberately obtuse. I understand that the message's intent was to show concern over the way the legal system is crapping all over freedom of religion. The thing is, it's not a real problem. Black on black violence is a real problem. Teen pregnancy is a real problem. World hunger is a real problem. This illegal, immoral, and just plain evil and cowardly invasion and occupation of Iraq is a real problem. Our power-maddened Resident Bush is a real problem. Larry King needs to sharpen his claws on an actual issue if he wants my support.

Oh, and as far as the state-mandated loyalty oath goes, let's not forget that that oh-so-precious phrase "under God" was added by Senator Joe "the Commies are hiding under my bed!" McCarthy to make sure the USA's state-mandated loyalty oath wasn't as blatantly a state-mandated loyalty oath as the one that good little commie kids were reciting under banners of Stalin and Mao in other countries. State-mandated loyalty oaths have no place in a democratic country, and Christians, whom Jesus admonished to remain apolitical when he said "My kingdom is no part of this earth." have absolutely no business whatsoever acting as advocates of such abominations. Where do your loyalties lie, "Christians", with your country, or your God? "A slave cannot serve two masters."

Now, I've said my piece on this issue. I don't hate America, any more than I hate any other geopolitical region of earth, nor do I love it, any more than I would any other region. Fact is, I don't care one way or the other about ANY country. I do not regard patriotism as a virtue. In fact, I regard it as a vice. Displaying pride over where random happenstance decreed your mother would drop you out is almost as valid a point to take pride in as the color of one's skin or the epicanthic fold (or lack thereof) in one's eyelids.

Personally, if those are Larry King's actual words, I think he needs to go back on his meds.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Huh? I have a 'blog?!?

Sheesh, been so busy running around I forgot about the silly thing. Now it's going to be all pouty and stuff and stuff.

Well, hey, I got an idea . . . I'll make a post on the other blog, so this one will get jealous.

Brilliant!

Saturday, August 25, 2007

Oh yeah

BTW, I have a blog for my adventures in Kentucky. It's at My New Kentucky Home.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Dayaaaam

Looks like freakin' Beruit around here. Well, no, not really. I can't back that up. But maybe a refugee camp...

Scant days remain to my NY residency status. Which reminds me, I'll need to have a tax service do my returns next year.

My God I am exhausted.

And the movers haven't found another load yet, so they haven't given me a pickup time and date, other than the guaranteed three-day window. At least it takes some of the time pressure to hurry and get everything done RIGHT NOW off. Which is good, because see above one-sentence paragraph.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

This... this cannot be!!

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!



Tell me this is a horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE, lie!



Please!!

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

"Roughing It"

So, I'm back from a week in the Adirondacks. It was time I could ill spare from the neccessities of packing and preparing to move to another state, but time well spent nonetheless with my closest friends in this one, Orlo and Jojo, and their baby Lojo.

Here's the specifics: we rented a 'cottage' (actually a rather nice converted mobile home with several expansions) for a week. The cottage was situated within easy walking distance of Brant Lake, which itself is rather nice. Included in the rental was shared access to a 'private' beach. In this case, 'private' meant that if none of the owner's relatives or friends also using some of their properties up there weren't using the 12 feet long, 1 foot wide strip of sand, we were welcome to us it ourselves. Also included was the use of a canoe (too tippy for a baby, no thanks), a rowboat, and a paddleboat (which had been loaned out- 'Sorry, did we forget to mention that? Oopsie.').

The 212 mile drive up was fairly pleasant, went without a hitch thanks largely to MapQuest, and took about 4 hours. Pre-loading was fairly horrendous, I simply had no idea how much baggage is required to adequately provide for the needs of an infant away from home. Between that monstrous pile of gear, and the stuff for mom and dad, almost all available space in one pickup and one sedan was taken, leaving just barely enough room for my duffel bag (bachelors travel remarkably light). My offer to drive having been dismissed contemptuously by Mom, as she had no intention of entrusting her infant son to my driving (although I have a perfect driving record), I spent as much of the drive as possible snoozing.

(It is worth mentioning here that the night before leaving, I had stood in line for two and a half hours at Borders to get my copy of the 7th and last installment of the Harry Potter series, The Deathly Hallows. That I purchased it after midnight and then fled to the mountains to read it in peace without spoilers was no accident either. I too fell prey to the wretched abominations who felt it was their duty to sprint everywhere with bullhorns and bold fonts spouting "Snape kills Dumbledore, page 621!!" when the sixth book came out, and I had no desire to have this book ruined for me too. So packed away in my bag was my copy of The Deathly Hallows. I was snoozing because I had been unable to sleep from the combined excitement of having a long-awaited sequel (and final installment!) in my hands, deathly fear of some asshat ruining it for me, and anticipation of a camping trip in the morning, so I had read up to about pg 350 by then.)

So, we got there, unloaded, and then leafed through the fat binder of rules, dire warnings, and imprecations (and a few brochures for various restaraunts and tourist traps, natch) threatening to cause forfeiture of the security deposit should any infractions occur. No, really. An inch-and-a-half thick binder.

Needless to say, while the location itself was nice, the various disappointments inflicted upon us by the draconian rules (which we were guaranteed to break thanks to numerous booby-traps rigged to force infractions, like falling picture frames and rigged blinds, and doors with siezed return arms, and 40-pound mirrors on them), and broken promises (no paddleboat, sorely limited and woefully tiny beach, etc...) , actually elevated our stress levels rather than letting them lower. My advice is to stay far, far, away from 'Almost Heaven Realtors' when planning your Adirondack getaway. The key word in their name is 'Almost'.

It wasn't a total bust though. We did have some fun shopping in Bolton, we scarpered about in some tiny caves at the Natural Stone Bridge site, managed to get the 12 foot beach to ourselves a couple of days (well, once), and of course, we hung out, sat around the fire, DIDN'T GO TO WORK AT ALL FOR NINE DAMN DAYS, and generally relaxed as much as is humanly possible under those conditions. Orlo and I even squeezed in a few games of Magic: the Gathering, and a round of Monopoly (which I gave up on in disgust after he managed to get Pennsylvania Avenue, dashing my last hope at a monopoly better than Med and Baltic, while he had all the purples, oranges, reds, and Boardwalk and Park Place, most with hotels by then). Seriously Orlo, go to fucking Vegas already and get rich at the craps tables. Why the hell do you work for a living with luck like yours?

Highlights-
  • All of us laughing ourselves silly repeating my mispronunciation of 'school' as shool while we were peering at road signs while wandering in Vermont. This occurred numerous times: "Hey look, a shool bus!", "Hey look, a middle shool!", "Darn it, why aren't these little punks in shool?"
  • Several excellent experiences dining out. Seems like the locals don't screw with their meal ticket, service and food was uniformly excellent no matter where we dined.
  • Lots of great weather = lots of teeny bikinis. God bless bikinis!!
  • In RE the last highlight, me being single and free to openly ogle. Yay freedom!!

Lowlights-

  • Who cares? I got to look at hineys and boobies.
  • Other than the stuff I mentioned, nothing worth mentioning.