There's a reason the hat fits two...

See, I'm of two minds about most things.

My uncle 'Tuffy', just died this Monday. Killed in a tractor accident. The details aren't terribly important, save these: his wife, my aunt Ruthie, and one of his sons, my cousin Dave, were there when it happened and saw him dead if not actually killed.

You can imagine how they must feel. Me, I'm all too aware of exactly how they feel. I know what it's like to have someone you love taken from you violently by an untimely end. For the benefit of you lucky ones, I'll try to explain it. Bear in mind that I'm no psychiatrist, so I won't be using many fancy terms.

Basically, an event like this tears a hole in you, spiritually speaking. Think of it this way: the people in your life, the ones you know best, are all a part of you. If, for some reason, one of them is suddenly taken away, they take that part of you with them, and a hole is left behind. The closer they are to you, the more a part of you they are, and the bigger the hole they leave behind.

My aunt was married to Uncle Tuffy for 57 years. I'd imagine having him taken away like this has left more hole than person behind in her case.

The trouble with holes is, nature tries to fill them with whatever is handy. In cases like this, the easiest thing to fill these holes with is the people left behind. Trust me, it is so easy to just fall into that hole and stay there for years, doing little more than peeking out from time to time. I spent almost 15 years in the one Charlie left behind in my soul. It's only recently that I've been able (thanks to a great healer of the human soul, my therapist) to roam out from that hole, and allow other things to fill it up, smooth it over, and let life go on around it and in it.

My aunt is in her late 70s. She hasn't got 15 years to waste in a hole. So tomorrow, when the funeral is over, I have to speak to her children (my cousins), or some closer relatives than I, and try to make them see this; and make sure they know that sometimes, no matter how much we want to do it ourselves, we can't make it better. And that there are people who can.

And I've got to do it without making them angry. And I can't afford to fail. I owe it to my Uncle Tuffy not to.

The 'two minds' thing is... well, it's cold comfort kind of stuff, mainly, and not worth mentioning.

Align your outrage carefully

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