16 years too late

So, tonight I saw Ordinary People. Yeah, it came out in 1980, thanks, I know. I was 11 then, sue my parents for not taking me to an R rated movie (language). And as I sat there, watching this story unfold, I thought to myself, "My God I wish someone who knew me in 1991 had seen that movie recently and suggested getting me some therapy before I spent fifteen years punishing myself for not dying."

In case anyone who's never suffered from PTSS wasn't sure, Timothy Hutton's portrayal of survivor's guilt was spot-on, and he could have been me easily. Of the other characters, only the father bore any resemblance to real life counterparts in my life. My dad was great, although he didn't know how to help me any more than anyone else did, and my mom was in that very large boat with a great many other people too.

The movie and its actors were nominated for or won several awards, and it's been 27 years (no it hasn't, I would be old if that were true, but I digress), so no one needs me to tell them the movie was and is fantastic, if in a sombrer sense than that word is normally used, and I can vouch that it is every bit as relevant now as it was then.

I just wish someone, even me, had seen it 16 years ago, and connected the dots. So much time wasted. But, I am feeling much better now, even if I am a little bitter over the lost time.