So... where's the reset button?

Ok, so, my old blog had to be deleted because of nosy co-workers, so I'm not sure how much of this is news, and how much is known, to my three regular readers (mom, me, and the crazy cat lady).

So, as some of you knew, I was suffering from pretty severe depression last year, and for a long time before that. Well, the fact is, the depression was really just a symptom of a much deeper problem. I'd been suffering from Post-Traumatic Stress Syndrome since witnessing my best friend's death, and no one really knew what to do to help me for years, and it kind of festered for about 16 years. And while it festered, I basically crawled into the bottom of my soul, curled up in a fetal position, and sucked my thumb while the auto-pilot ran things for sixteen years. I don't know how else to describe it.

The good news is, I'm feeling much better now. But the bad news is... obscene. The 'auto-pilot' Nate, my own personal Beta Unit (Watch 'The Last Starfighter', or nod sagely because you already have.), in the course of running my life, well, it went and did some things that can't be undone. Some shouldn't be undone, some I wouldn't undo even if I could, and many needed to be done. Because I'm going to need to do so for any chance of making sense of things, I'm going to call him Nate2.

Nate2 went out and got laid a few times. But he wasn't a real person, and couldn't keep a relationship going. Nate2 went out and made friends. But he didn't have enough of a functioning heart to let any of them into. (But he did keep bringing them down and laying them at my feet like a dutiful housecat delivering birds and squirrels for family provender. That was enough to attach a few of them to the real me, thank God.) Nate2 went out and got me a few jobs, a driver's license, and moved me around like a nomad. Nate2 made a brief effort to get my body into shape, and then gave up. Nate2 beat me, screamed at me, threw water on me, pissed in my face, and finally managed to get me barely functional enough to spend some time with my father before he died, and that is something worth thanking him for above all other things, because otherwise the regret of not being there with my father would be killing me. I think that also put me on the road to recovery, because that's when I finally poked my head out long enough to get the help I needed. Nate2 edited two bad friendship choices out of my life, but he did it rather clumsily, and aftershocks still rumble from one of those 'relation-quakes'.

But Nate2 didn't do one really important thing for me: he didn't take any mental pictures. In the last sixteen years or so, not only has my short-term memory detoriorated badly, I have very few detailed memories of anything I did, anyone I met, or anyplace I went. It's like everything from that period is a story someone told me, and I only remember a few of the more interesting parts. The lack of memories has hurt me in more than the obvious way, too.

Memories of the past are part of learning. There's a lot of things I haven't learned yet, because while Nate2 was takin' care o' bidness, I was... doing nothing, feeling nothing, caring about nothing. You can't learn anything about life that way.

I've spent the last 16 years in what amounts to a waking coma. And now I've finally awoken, and the whole world has moved on without me. I'm sixteen years behind schedule, 21 years old, in a 37-year-old body. I'm completely unprepared for grey hair, baldness, aches and pains, adult responsibilities like rent and paying the bills and taking care of my shit. The problem is, people don't see the 21-year-old me, they see this 37-year-old that I don't know how to be.

I'm 21 years old. I should be out 'sowing my wild oats'. Problem is, they've gone moldy waiting for me to do so. And 37 is too damn old to be 'hitting on chicks'.

I have sixteen years of catching up to do, and I don't even know where to begin trying to figure out how to go about starting to do that. I desperately need a reset button. And that's one thing life doesn't give us.

So, this is it. Some people I know have hinted around that they sorta sometimes read this blog. Yet none of them have ever posted here. Well, now is the time to start. I need some help here. I am lost, flailing in cowshit. Now, more than ever, I could use a little advice.

Ok, seriously, this has to stop.

So, some more "Christians", trying to "save lives" tried to blow up another clinic.

Now, I'm not even going to get into the whole abortion thing. I'll sum that up by saying that it has its very limited place in the list of sometimes unfortunately neccessary medical procedures (in my opinion) and leave that at that.

No, today, my poisoned pen is aimed straight at the hearts of you so-called, self-styled "Christians", who act anything but Christian. Hey bozos, here's a quick rule of thumb for you: If you're breaking one of the Ten Commandments, chances are, you're not behaving as a Christian should, and therefore, you're not a Christian. So stop soiling my Father's good Name by attaching your blasphemous atrocities to It.

And guess what? Murdering random people by setting an explosive device where it will go off and kill a bunch of people? That violates Exodus 20:13; 'You must not murder.' Now, you might try to justify your evil actions by claiming that they were done 'in defense of the unborn', but that's a load of hogwash and we both know it. You don't know for a fact that whoever was going to be near that bomb when it went off would be in the act of providing or getting an abortion, or even if they would be considering such action in the future. People go into those clinics for all kinds of other reasons too. Some are getting regular checkups, some are getting pre-natal treatment for their pregnancies, some are having an STD treated, or who knows what? The point is, you didn't know who would be there when that bomb went off (had your sick cowardly plot gone off as planned, that is; kudos to the brave men and women of the BDU who thwarted your cowardly attack), and so your attack could have killed any number of innocent people.

You are cowards. You champion nothing but the hatred in Satan's heart, and you are evil, twisted people. If you think Jehovah approves of what you do, you are badly misled. Confess, repent, and mend your ways.

End of line.

He shouldn't have been allowed to buy any guns...

No, really.

That's right. Virginia, the state where 'anyone can buy a gun, anywhere, anytime', actually already had a law (actually, it's a federal GC law, which is illegal, but what the hey) that should have prevented Cho from arming himself legally. But no one bothered to enforce it after the judge sent for the nice young men in their clean white coats to come and take Cho away.

So, I guess, the solution is... more GC laws? Question, will we be actually enforcing these new laws, or will they be ignored too?

Now, I hate to have to ask this, but are my staunchest critics ready to yield even slightly? Are you willing to admit that just maybe, this one time, I am right? We do not need more GC laws. What we need is for criminals to start obeying them, or the authorities to actually enforce them.

'Rivin', On a Jet Plane

Hi honey, I'm home.

Oh, right, I live alone.

The Big Fat Geek Wedding was, all in all, a smashing success. D-Wreck, the Teen of Sound, suffered a minor mishap, but other than that, I think it went rather well.

Super-Drama Teen proceeded to make changes to her hair (thereby possibly ruining her secret identity) which I kinda like after the ceremony, but it is a striking difference from the original, and thus her mother, once known to evil-doers everywhere as Super Fiancee, and now known to evil-doers everywhere as Super Wife, prevailed successfullly upon her to delay the change until after the ceremony in which she was Maid of Honor, thanks to a brief possession by the Power Cosmic.

Super Dependable Teen and Super Adorable Kid, also were temporarily promoted, to Bridesmaid and Flower Grrl (whose nemesis Bumblebee showed up and tried to intimidate, but whom yr humble author shooed away) respectively.

Vows were given, rings were exchanged, irrevocable bonds of family were forged. It was a great day for all that is right and good in the universe. Even the weather played nice.

And, then I saw Thunder, hung around, played some Magic, a little Apples to Apples, and we shot the breeze a whole bunch. (I've found that I can play Magic as long as I don't own any cards. That seems to work for me. Otherwise I'm just a whiny little bitch-baby. And sometimes even then.)

This is how real heroes die.

Professor Liviu Librescu (LIV-ee-oo lih-BRESS-cue), 76, Israel
Engineering science and mathematics lecturer. Was a holocaust survivor. (AP)
Confirmed by his wife, Marlon. Librescu had taught at Virginia Tech for 22
years and had been married for 42 years.
The class schedule indicates
Librescu was teaching Solid Mechanics in room 204 in Norris Hall.
"His
research has enabled better aircraft, superior composite materials, and more
robust aerospace structures," said Ishwar K. Puri, the head of the engineering
science and mechanics department. (AP)
Librescu's son, Joe, said his father's students sent e-mails detailing how the
professor saved their lives by closing the doorway of his classroom against the
approaching gunman. (AP)
"My father blocked the doorway with his body and
asked the students to flee," Joe Librescu said Tuesday in a telephone interview
from his home outside of Tel Aviv. "Students started opening windows and jumping
out." (AP)
Here is his website, which includes his photo: http://www.esm.vt.edu/php/person.php?id=10023

76 years old, toughed out the Nazi's, taught the world a thing or two about how to make planes, and when push came to shove, didn't even blink at doing the right thing. Liviu spent his probably few remaining years to buy lifetimes for his students. Words cannot express how much I admire an unconditional love that strong. Don't know about you, but if I'm lucky enough to die this way, I'll consider my life well spent. This guy for sure is one of the people that could have been armed and able to deal with Cho had there not been a 'gun-free zone'. Then I'd be telling you how real heroes live instead.

Damn I'm pissed. The answer to criminals with guns is not taking guns away from people who obey the law. How anyone could think otherwise literally boggles my mind.

Virginia Tech, Gun Control, and you.

So, naturally, some people got shot by a kid who should have been medicated two years ago and removed from school, and the problem isn't that the system failed to get him the help he needed, oh no. The problem, dear readers, is that he was able to legally purchase a gun.

Never mind that he wrote disturbing plays. Never mind that at least one teacher and several fellow students reported his strange, obsessive, dangerously anti-social behavior to numerous authorities. Never mind the fact that it's documented fact that just about any nutbag can 'play sane' long enough to fool a casual observer. Not one bit of that matters. All that matters is that he was able to buy a gun. Something has to be done about that!

The crazy people can stay where they are, we just need to get the non-sentient, immobile pieces of gun-shaped metal out of here. Because without a gun, a crazy person is totally harmless. I mean, Jack the Ripper, the Hillside Stranglers, the Boston Strangler, numerous serial stabbers, all will be rendered as harmless as dryer lint once we get some more gun control.

Yeah. That almost makes sense. Except for the part where it's complete fricking gibberish.

You know what WOULD have been a godsend at VT that day? One student licensed to carry concealed. Just one. But the university lobbied hard, and got a local gun ban instilled on the campus, so students had no legal recourse to defend themselves. Gun control at work. There wasn't even ONE armed security guard, in place to actually, you know, enforce the existing gun control. I mean, Allah's Alabaster Ass (sorry, but I desperately needed to say something blasphemous here), we're gonna take away everyone's right to defend themselves, and then use the Honor System to enforce it? Whose genius plan was that? Is Pollyanna Whittier in charge of security at VT? The jackasses that dreamed up 'gun-free' zones desperately need to read Larry Niven's 'Anarchy Park' stories, and plant, water, weed, tend, grow, and finally harvest a stinking clue.

It's almost too bizarre to countenance, I know. Someone planning to break the murder laws then stooping to violate a gun control law too. I mean, that's just unbelieveable. Who could possibly have ever predicted that such a thing would occur? Clearly, I mean obviously, it's plain as day to any sane person that we need to enact and pass some more gun control laws.

Bragging Rights

I was over at Your Girl Friday's, posting something in her comment threads about movies, and John Cusak, when I reminded myself of something I once said in a theatre that was so funny, I still snicker at it to this day.

I was at a screening of Deep Impact with a female friend (whom I no longer associate with). We were at the point in the movie where President Morgan Freeman breaks the news to the world about the impending doom descending upon all earthkind, and I saw it: an opportunity for true hilarity.

So I leaned over and whispered to my former female friend: "Geeze, I guess 'they' were right."

She, a fiercly liberal journalism major college graduate, whispered back, "Huh?"

"The first black president gets elected, and now the world is gonna end."

She laughed so hard she was crying. Impressive, given that she managed to do it quietly enough to not get us thrown out.

What's the funniest thing YOU'VE ever said?