I'd rather be a hammer than a nail...

Ok, so, I stole this from The Oral Reporter, aka Super-Fiancee.

If I was an hour of the day... I would be the midnight hour.
If I was a planet... I would be Mercury, simmering in the sun. My cold side would freeze you solid, my hot side would cause you to burst into flames.
If I was a direction... I would be aki (one of the cardinal directions of the fourth dimension. Up, down, left, right, in, out, aki, neta.).
If I was a piece of furniture... I would be an overstuffed sofa positioned strategically in front of a fireplace, perfect for reading in on rainy days or snuggling in with a lover on wintry ones.
If I was a liquid... I would be molten silver.
If I was a sin... I would be a dead heat between sloth and gluttony.
If I was a rock... I would be part of a Playmate's belly-jewel (rock as in diamond, dig?).
If I was a tree... I would be home to a family of man-eating squirrels.
If I was a fruit... I would be a watermelon.
If I was a flower... I would be pressed flat in a book.
If I was a musical instrument... I would be a steel guitar.
If I was an element... I would be argon.
If I was color... I would be the golden fire of sun behind thin clouds. Yeah.
If I was an animal... I would be a tortoise.
If I was a sound... I would be keyboard keys clattering.
If I was music... I would be 'In the Halls of the Mountain King'.
If I was a music style... I would be classic rock.
If I was a feeling... I would be that nagging sensation that you've forgotten something important.
If I was a book... I would be 'To Serve Man'.
If I was a food... I would be spaghetti and meatballs with sausage.
If I was a place... I would be The Lost Temple where the Mystic Frammistat that is the only weakness of the Big Bad Guy Threatening All of Existence is kept. I would be loaded with booby-traps, and guarded by fanatics. You'd die before you crossed the threshold.
If I was a flavor... I would be chocolate and peanut-butter.
If I was a scent... I would be the all-pervasive aroma of someone else's perfectly-popped popcorn, driving you insane just before lunchtime.
If I was a word... I would be 'supercalifragilistic-expialidocious'.
If I was a verb... I would be 'endure'.
If I was an object... I would be a trip hazard
If I was a part of the body... I would be the male brain... the lower brain.
If I was a facial expression... I would be a bemused smile.
If I was a cartoon character... I would be Wile E. Coyote.
If I was a movie... I would be "War of the Roses".
If i was a form.. I would be IRS 1099-G.
If I was a number... I would be the square root of -1.
If I was a season... I would be paprika.
If I was a sentence... I would be life without possibility of parole.